![]() I replace cafés with crowded bars and empty roads with broken bottlesĪnd this town is healing me slowly but still not slow or fast enough because there’s no right way to do this.When your child breaks your heart, it can be the simplest quotes that get to us the most. Maybe you thought my insides would fit better this way, look better this way, to you and us and all the rest. It was just something in the way you took my heart and rearranged my insides and I couldn’t recognise the emptiness you left me with when you were done. I'll never go a day without thinking about our memories together.”Īnd I still don’t know which month it was then I've loved my fans from the very first day, but they've said things and done things recently that make me feel like they're my friends - more now than ever before. I love picking up a cookbook and closing my eyes and opening it to a random page, then attempting to make that recipe. Back then naivety was the norm and skepticism was a foreign language, and I just think every once in a while you need fries and a chocolate milkshake and your mom. I love the freedom of living alone, but I also love things that make me feel seven again. ![]() ) I love old buildings with the paint chipping off the walls and my dad's stories about college. ![]() Or something crazy and out of reach like that. It brings me back to the days of trying to get a close parking spot at school, trying to get noticed by soccer players, and trying to figure out how to avoid doing or saying anything uncool, and wishing every minute of every day that one day maybe I'd get a chance to win a Grammy. I love spraying perfumes I used to wear when I was in high school. Mismatched chairs, mismatched colors, mismatched personalities. But some new things I've fallen in love with - mismatched everything. I still love writing in my journal and wearing dresses all the time and staring at chandeliers. I still love sparkles and grocery shopping and really old cats that are only nice to you half the time. Like for example, I'm still beyond obsessed with the winter season and I still start putting up strings of lights in September. It means I've just added more things to my list. For me, it doesn't mean I should become somebody completely new and stop loving the things I used to love. I've found that growing up can mean a lot of things. It's been going on for quite some time now, without me knowing it. “I've apparently been the victim of growing up, which apparently happens to all of us at one point or another. I wouldn't be surprised if that is the way things go after all - that all things end happy. I like to think that nothing's final, and that everyone gets to be together even when it looks like they don't, that it all works out even when all the evidence seems to say something else, that you and I are always young in the woods, and that I'll see you sometime again, even if it's not with any kind of eyes I know of or understand. I like to think that one day after I die, at least one small particle of me - of all the particles that will spread everywhere - will float all the way to Neverland, and be part of a flower or something like that, like that poet said, the one that your Tik Tok loved. I like to think that even if I change and fade away, some other people won't. Do you think you will ever grow? I hope not. Even with all the trains and the streets and the people. and I'm sorry for it, and for a lot, and I also wouldn't change it. Does it seem odd to you that they could have stood at a wedding that wasn't yours and mine? It does to me. Tiger Lily, do you think magic exists if it can be explained? I can explain why I loved you, I can explain the theory of evolution that tells me why mermaids live in Neverland and nowhere else. I know young people look at me and think my youth seems so far away, but it's all around me, and you're all around me. And I never expected that you could have a broken heart and love with it too, so much that it doesn't seem broken at all. Every kind of love, it seems, is the only one. But the surprising thing is, you never leave me. But I wondered if you could ever love more than some of me. “Did you know I always thought you were braver than me? Did you ever guess that that was why I was so afraid? It wasn't that I only loved some of you.
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